VIRTUAL VIVIAN

Salsa Version

Music & Lyrics: John Forster

She had the laughing eyes of a flirt.
But underneath I sensed she'd been hurt.
And so I plunked down forty nine ninety five,
Took her home, installed her on my hard drive.

It was a date with Virtual Vivian.
And my Mac, and some candles and Brie.
I pulled down her menues,
Checked out her venues.
It took only moments to see...
That this was the woman for me.

The last girl to whom I truly related
Smelled like a beach ball and had to be inflated.
She met all my needs; we'd been perfectly matched.
But she popped...and couldn't be patched.

But now along comes Virtual Vivian,
Erasing the pain of the past.
This innocent waif,
So wanton yet safe,
Was offering love that could last.
And a Preferences File that was vast.

But soon our bliss hit dissonant chords.
I found her name on a bulletin boards.
And what had seemed so solid soon turned to jello.
This Romeo turned to Othello.

How could I share my Virtual Vivian
With a world full of weirdos like me?
Yet that was the deal.
I'd broken her seal
And now was a mere licensee.
Is this the way love has to be?

Then one day I woke up in a thick mental fog,
I couldn't remember the name of my dog.
Who were my parents? Where was my bank?
Whole chunks of my memory were blank.

Shit!...
I caught a virus from Virtual Vivian.
All the symptoms were only too plain.
This cheap cyber-tart
Had captured my heart
And now she was scrambling my brain.
Even virtual love is in vain.

I contacted all whose floppies had been in my drive.
It was embarrassing; there were seventyfive.
But one, it turned out, was an actual analog girl.
When she asked me to lunch I'm like, Hey, I should give it a whirl.

Cause she was shiny and bright
With a rubbery look.
And she smelled like a beachball
That's all it took.

Now I'm through with Virtual Vivian.
To Yvonne I will always be true.
Sure, I love that she's real
And can think and can feel.
But the main thing that binds us like glue
Are the rings in her nose
And her full body tattoo.

(c) Limousine Music Co. (ASCAP) 1997